FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
