god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
