i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
