Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
