Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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