You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
