I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
