Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize