Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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