I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
