Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize