I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
