rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I smell like Dick and happiness
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
