is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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