I think I won the penis lottery.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize