I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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