I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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