I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
