I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
