I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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