Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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