Acid is not a monday night drug
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
