I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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