Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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