sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize