if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
