Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
