He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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