Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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