just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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