Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
