Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
