4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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