Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
