I've blown a few things in my day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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