I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
