Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
