his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
