tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
