well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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