its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
