i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
