we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
