you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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