my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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