I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
