At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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