What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
