I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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