He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
