What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
