You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
