I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
