Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
