Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
