C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
