Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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