I hate your face
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
