Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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