I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
