At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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