So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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