You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
