Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
