Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize