she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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