Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
