I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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