I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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