If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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