Whats the glycemic index on semen?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize