not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
